When a lesson is needed, it shows up. The trick is to see it. Because lessons, they hide in the most unexpected areas.
Yesterday I am vacuuming. My vacuum is less than 3 years old. And it is doing an adequate job, but I am struggling a little. Going over and over the same spot. It was not picking up like it should. Whats wrong here vacuum? So then I think, oh Sandy, when was the last time you dumped the canister. Yes, it full, very full.
How often do I clear out emotional trash, but not get rid of it? I hide it, tucked away, just kind of hanging on to it. And then when something new comes up and I need to clear that, there is little room for movement. Old wounds, old emotions are still cluttering up my mind and my heart. I thought I cleared it, I thought I moved on, but maybe it is still in the vacuum canister.
As I am cleaning out the canister some of the dirt spilled on the kitchen floor. And I am looking at that, almost looking to see if I need to save anything. Did an earring get in there, a penny? Really, let it go. Honestly I decided months ago that it wasn’t worth keeping, why am I still sifting through it.
So I really let the dirt go. And then I thought, this is like my life. All the stuff I have processed again and again, but held onto, let it go. Don’t save the dirt of my life to sift back through later. Make it disappear. I am done looking backwards, I am done trying to make a different ending to something that is over. I am done trying to rewrite the stories. I am done holding on to anger or pain. I am done trying to learn the same lesson multiple times. I am done.
And when I thought my vacuum was cleared there was a bunch debris up in another section (please don’t judge me). So then I think, more hidden dirt. And I clear that out, realizing that some stuff is really deep. It doesn’t want to leave. That even though it is dirt, it is my dirt, and can I really let go?
I think that our dirt can be really powerful. Overcoming an addiction, for instance, is painful, but moves us forward. Letting relationships go when they are done (my big issue) is one of the biggest ways to grow. Overcoming fears, changing our minds, learning to trust, loving ourselves, all of these things are started when we move our dirt around.
It is hard to grow when we are clogged up. For instance, if I have a fear of changing my housing, then I to deal with what is real today. But what comes up for me is “I am losing another home”. Remember when my house was foreclosed on…. remember how bad I felt, what a failure I felt like, how sad I was. None of that has anything to do with today, but holding on is keeping me stuck. Because instead of being optimistic about change or realistic about my circumstances, I slip back in past. I need to dump the dirt. I need to say “that was hard and painful, but it is done” I don’t have to carry those feeling into my current circumstance.
There are always lessons on the way. There are always opportunities for growth. And some of it will be painful and need to be looked at. And we need room for that. A fresh clean vacuum. So in the memory box put your lessons, put your “well I’m not doing that again”. put your treasures, the things that helped you become the person you are. You will need those things.
But as for the dirt, clean out the vacuum, clear out the closet, clean out under the sink. Where ever you discarded your emotional trash, throw it away. Make room for more. Because more will come, that is life. Be ready, make room, and then let it go..