Monthly Archives: August 2015

Blessings, challenges, Change, Healing, Inner Voice, Inspiration, Lessons

I Forgot Who I Am

I have had some physical symptoms going on for about a year now that I have not been dealing with. Well, not dealing with correctly, like going to the doctor. There has been much heart racing, anxiety, some rashes,  extreme fatigue, loss of hair, etc and I put it all to stress, aging or emotional issues.  And I tried to fix it that way. I prayed, I meditated, I exercised, I spent time with friends, anything that felt joyful or stress relieving I brought it in. I tried hard to not feed the stress and negativity that we all encounter in our daily lives. By doing all of that I am sure I mitigated the problem, but it did not fix it.  At some point (couple weeks ago) I got it, this is not working, and I went to the doctor and have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  It explains pretty much all of these symptoms which can treated medically and I should be fine eventually.

One by one I accepted these things (symptoms) into my life and they became part of who I am.  I allowed myself to be okay with being too tired.  I blamed it on aging or getting up early every day. I put up with a racing heart thinking I could not handle the stresses in my life. My thinning hair  and dry skin, again I must be getting old. My anxiety and general impatience, well I am overwhelmed and cannot handle anything beyond the moment.  Everything I was feeling I judged myself for and came up short. I forgot who I truly am.

So there are some reasons I would go to stress and feeling overwhelmed as my default.  I have been through some challenges these past few years.  And the hits kept coming. So it felt natural to say I am finally at my breaking point and body reflects that.  But it wasn’t true.  I made  up that story.  I forgot who I was.

I forgot I am strong, I forgot I am capable, I forgot that I handle life like a boss. I forgot I have an amazing belief that my life is good.  I forgot I am juicy.  I forgot my mind can see the truth.  I forgot my ability to see past the surface. I forgot to believe in myself. i forgot that I am amazing and destined to live in a way that celebrates life.

I started living by default.  I started letting my beliefs around what was happening to my body determine my quality of life. How often do we do that? My wake call (this time) was physical, but it can manifest in a zillion ways. When I accept a relationship in my life that is stealing my joy.  When I make excuses for it and blame myself. When I stay at a job that is killing me but am afraid to let go of the security. When I believe that is all I can have. When I look at my finances and think of them as meager instead of seeing the abundance around me. Then I am living in fear of lack. So one by one I ignore the little hints in the situations and end up facing a thyroid storm, or whatever manifests from blaming myself and not seeing the truth.

So my job now is to remember who I am.  And to trust myself. And to trust the God within me. To remember I am strong and wise.  To turn off that auto pilot of self blame and open my eyes to a different truth. This lesson could have been much harsher. I ignored something medical and it could have been way more serious.  I was too busy blaming myself for not being enough.  I am grateful for the blessing of this lesson. And I am done forgetting who I am.

Namaste

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Daily Life, daily practice, Growth, Humanity, kindness, Love, Spirit

Kindess Matters, Always

Kindness: a simple word, almost overshadowed by the big actions.  There are so many more dramatic and noticeable things we can do.  It is almost like a childhood word, a learning word,  Be kind, play nice, be nice.  But what if it is the most important word?  It is simple, it is easy and maybe that is why we tend to not give it the respect it deserves.

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ― Henry James

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3

All of our great Spiritual leaders and teachings speak of kindness. The love of humanity and ourselves began with kindness.  We should be kind to ourselves as well as others. The world and our planet need our kindness. So where can I start?  Start small and recognize kindness in myself and others.  Soon the habit will become natural and from small acts of kindness we build into large ones.

Here are some of the ways we can be kind during our days without even trying too hard:

Hold open the door for the person behind you.

Smile at babies and children.

Let others go first at stop signs

Let someone go in front of you at grocery line when you can see they are rushed or frazzled.

Listen to their stories, even when you have heard them before. Their words are important.

Pet dogs whenever possible

Make eye contact with strangers. Smile!

Don’t turn your eyes from the homeless person, smile at them. See them.

Call your mom, call your family.

Say I love you

Give a compliment, a simple “that color looks good on you” can make someones day.

Say thank you, use your manners.

Give up your seat when you see others need it.

Be patient with older people.  The world can be fast and overwhelming to them.

Buy your co worker coffee for no reason

Remember birthdays and other special days.  Just remembering people helps them feel acknowledged.

Receive graciously. Let others feel their own kindness is appreciated.

And a million more, I could sit here all day and list kindness or I could go out and do be it.  When in doubt, let kindness be your guide.  When you are not sure of the next move, what is the kind thing to do?  How can we help our world be a better place, start with kindness.  Let this word be your important word.  Join with others and do the random acts of kindness.  I promise you, what you put out is returned immeasurably, so be kind, be loving and my friends your lives will fill with the blessings of kindness returned.

Namaste.

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Daily Life, Freedom, Growth, Honesty, Inspiration, self love

Is Today the Day You Love Yourself?

How much can you love yourself?  How good can you be to yourself?  Are you willing to put yourself first?  Are you willing to step into your own greatness?  Can you love yourself as much as you want someone else to love you? Can you say this is my life and it is important? Are you able to do that?

It is hard, to love ourselves. From birth we are taught to put others first.  We are taught that taking the back seat is polite, even honorable.  We are taught to look up to people, to emulate them, to strive to be a carbon copy of someone else.  And we need teachers, and mentors and people who pave the way for us.  We need heroes, we need to look up to people.  But at some point we need to be our own hero.

And maybe for some us that day is today.  Maybe it is time to say I am done sacrificing this one life I have.  Maybe today is the day we break free.  We can release old patterns that hold us back telling us that we come second. I have seen it over and over again.  People give up their lives and take second place.  People in relationships do this. One person becomes the star of their world and the other is supporting cast.  Children want to please their parents, they make life choices that are not theirs. People deny their true beliefs to conform to a party line or a religion or even a job.  All the time, we make adjustment that go against our own true nature.

People settle, everyday people settle. Settle for less than they want, less than they deserve. Why?  So we don’t make waves?  So we keep people happy? When do we make ourselves happy?  Is today the day? Is today the day we say this is my truth, this is who I am, and I love myself.  And nothing on this earth is set above that. Is today the day we say my life is important?  Is today the day we say my dreams matter?  Is today the day we respect our own journey and give it wings?

As close as we are to other humans, we walk alone.  Be it our family, our partner, our best friend, there is a separateness.  When we die we go alone. No one else lives in our brain nor our hearts. Our mind belongs to us. To not respect this is to devalue this beautiful gift of life.

What do you want, do you want respect, do you want love?  Can we really expect that anyone will love or respect if we do not find ourselves worthy of that?  Should not the first person to give us these gifts be ourselves?

Adore yourself, delight in yourself. Find your humor at yourself, be compassionate with yourself.  Praise yourself, truly be a friend to yourself.  Speak well of yourself, take care of yourself.  Appreciate your body and enjoy all the things you do with it. Sing to yourself, comfort yourself. Love yourself, can I say it any louder……Love yourself my dearest one. This is the first step to true living, the step to happiness. Recognizing your value, and treating yourself with respect.  You are as important as anyone being on this planet. You have a right to your breath.  You have a right to your ideas, your dreams, your thoughts. They are as valuable as anyone’s.  Never let anyone make you feel less than.  Simply by being born you have a right to be happy, to be loved, to be respected, to be honored.  It is up to you to exercise those rights.

Let’s do it, let’s make today the day!

Namaste

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Change, Daily Life, Death, Growth, Healing, Inspiration

Loving Mom and Letting Go

My dear friends’ mother is close to leaving this life.  They have moved her to hospice where she will spend her last days.  He is 500 miles away and I can be of little help. I can send loving thoughts and words, I can give him space to move though this time that is filled with fear and also amazing gifts. But I cannot do it for him, this is his path.

Still,  it is weighing on my mind.  It brings up the stuff around my mom passing all over again. Wounds I thought were dormant open up.  Memories I have placed aside reappear. Tears that have been shed, are shed again. Do we, must we, keep feeling the pain over and over?  How do you heal? Maybe you don’t .

I guess I  have thought of healing as one and done. . Like when you heal from a cold or illness you are well and you are done with that process.  But cuts leave scars, some illnesses leave weakness.  Here is a timely and perfect example.  7 years ago we had big fires in our area of CA. The smoke was bad and for me, toxic.  It made me sick. Then the airs cleared and time passed. I recovered and was fine.  But ever since then when there are fires and the air is smoky I am easily affected by it. It bothers me way more than it ever did before the toxic smoke.  I have a weakness now, left from the first fire.

And I guess I have a weakness for people dying. I have experience with it.  I know how it feels.  And right now the mom experience is knocking back at my door. But here is what I know, I am stronger now.  The gaping wound left when she passed is smaller.  And opening of it is gentler. There is a lighter touch to the wound.  I can feel the pain and still breathe. And for that healing, I am grateful.

Its been over 3 years now and the memories of my mom have faded from the harshness of her last couple of years.  Now I look at the mom that was happy, who was loving and had a future in front of her. But still, I have the lessons of how life can change and bring unhappiness and bitterness if you allow it, or invite it.  And mom did that, I need to be honest about that, so I do not fall into the traps that she did. If her life is to show me some me lessons, well, I need to see them.

Back to my friend.  I am so sorry your mama is leaving you. I am so sorry for your pain right now and your loss. I am sorry you have to see your father and your family lost and sad.  I am sorry that this moment is upon you.  But I am not sorry you have had a mother you grieve to lose.  I am not sorry you get to learn compassion. I am not sorry you will have growth. I am not sorry you will learn more about your amazing strength. I am not sorry you will experience the love and compassion of friends and family. I am not sorry you are living life and seeing complete cycle. I am not sorry, my dear, that life has graced you with this most important lesson of loving and letting go.  May Peace and Love cover your every breath.

Namaste

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