Monthly Archives: May 2015

Choice, Daily Life, forgiveness, Growth, Healing, Inspiration, Mother

You are the Star of Your LIfe

This is your life, own it.  Everyone else is a spectator, you are the star.  If you do not live your life, your way, you are missing out on the greatest gift the Universe has to offer, your own wholeness.

There are many people around you, most of them have an opinion on how you should live, act, think, believe. Who you should love, why you should love, where you should love.  Everyone has their own agenda, it doesn’t matter.  Own your life,  this is your gift to yourself.

Even the most well meaning loving people have their own agenda.  I have one,  I have ways I want people to react.  I might want them to believe something because it is important to me.  I might want them love me, because I love them.  I might want them to behave in a certain way because it supports my belief.  And all of this wanting is done with a loving heart.  It doesn’t matter. It is not up to me.  I need to at look at what I want for others,  as my mirror for myself.

I have sat at bedsides of loved ones dying. I attended my mothers, and more recently my grandmothers death.  As heart wrenching and painful as those moments were, here is the truth, they died, I did not. It was their death, not mine, It was their life, not mine. At that moment what do you want to remember?  I want to remember I owned my life.  I did not give it away.  I felt my pains, I celebrated my joys, I chose my loves, I made up my own mind on my beliefs.  This is my life, not anyone else.  And when I die, I take my life with me.  The ones left behind are free to live theirs.

So this is our moment, this is our time to say “I am going to live my life, I am going to own my life. It is too precious to give away.  My beliefs, my decisions, my scars, my joys, my loves, my struggles, my lessons, my triumphs,  they are mine. I have earned them. I will keep them and I will celebrate them.”

I know it has been said way too often, but today I need to say it one more time….Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Have a beautiful day

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Change, Daily Life, Growth, Healing, mantra, Self

Turn the Page

Change, transition, acceptance, release. surrender…..oh my gosh, turn the page. Sandy, just turn the page.

“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey

I have been noticing mantras in my life lately.  So mantras are good to have.  I can’t really accept a mantra that comes from outside myself.  I can read them and think oh that sounds good.  I like that.  But to have it in my head and working in my life it has to come from my Source.  And I have to pay attention to those. I have a really good one right now “I am a money magnet, it’s the Law”. That comes up for me, a couple times a day.  It feels good, it feels positive and it feels authentic.

And here is another one, and this one comes up more frequently and has more struggle around it.  Turn the page. Well  it feels bigger, turn the page, turn the page, turn the fucking page. Everywhere in my life, just stop with the past, embrace the present and live right here, right now.  Turn the page.

Sometimes I do it visually.  I see a face like in a book and watch a page turn to cover it up. Turn the page, let it go. I see a way of life that has passed, turn the page. I see a friendship that is completed, turn the page. I see an unhealthy habit I no longer need, turn the page.  I see a role in my life that has played out, turn the page.  I long for my old home, turn the page. I mourn relationships past, turn the page.

But here is the problem, I can turn those pages from here to eternity but if I am not stepping into something new, I will keep going back.  Turning the page and seeing the blank slate scares me.  I don’t know what to do with myself.  I am so free in my life. I really only take of myself.  I only have a couple of relatives left and both of them are adults who have their own lives. Sure if they need me I am there to help, but in daily life no one is dependent on me. I don’t even have a boyfriend. So what do I do with all these blank pages?  I don’t know and I think that is why I am stuck.  And I turn the same pages over and over.

I can take today and enjoy it, and honestly I will.  I will have a good day, I will talk with friends, smile at the world. I am off work this week  so I will relax and enjoy myself. But somewhere in the back of my mind and buried within my heart is an echo of “I don’t know what to do with myself and I am a little lost.” And then the past calls me back, and I have to turn the pages all over again.

I don’t know how to step into the future except by one breath at a time. Yesterday I was out walking and I had a moment of fearlessness around the future.  I had a moment of my heart saying “I will say yes to everything placed before me”. I had a moment of releasing the past and being right in today.  I had a moment of freedom. I had a moment of endless choices and the ability to move into them.  I did have that moment. Can I have more than a moment, can I have a day, a week, a month?

Was yesterday my baby step into the future?  I believe this to be a truth for me.  I need this to be a truth for me.  Otherwise I am spinning my wheels and wasting my time.  And I don’t really have time to waste.  So I am going to remember my baby step and that is page I am holding open. Here I am, free and available to the Universe for a beautiful and fulfilling future. Perhaps Tupac said it best:

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
― Tupac Shakur

So I really have to be willing to leave the past in the past.  Yesterday I cleaned out drawers and closets, filling bags with things that no longer work in my life. It is a step forward, to let go of what does not fit, what never fit, what someone else thought I should have, what is worn out, torn, stained, simply over. My closet is a microcosm of my my life.  A snapshot of who and what I am.   I kept the most precious, I kept what works in my life and makes me feel good.. The rest I release to the the Universe. If i can do that with clothes and shoes I can let go of thoughts, ideas and habits that no longer support my growth and my joy.  Let it go Sandy, turn the page.

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family, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, Love, Mother, Relationships

Mother’s Day Without Our Moms

For myself and many of my friends we have Mothers day without our mothers. Be it mom, grandmother, aunt, mothers of our heart, the woman that loved us. They are passed, Whether 1 years, 5 years, 20 years, it doesn’t matter. There is an empty spot where mom should be. There is a sweet longing that comes up, a melancholy for times past and the feel of her hand on my face. I miss her voice, I miss knowing someone loves me, no matter what. I miss having her support and her unwavering belief in my good, even when I wasn’t . That is what a mom does. I miss having that wisdom ahead of me, teaching me. I miss having someone to rebel against. I miss that feeling of two women in the world determined to live their own lives and still be so interdependent in each others. I miss her laughter, I miss her fierceness. I could go on and on.

And I know this is the same for so many of my friends. We are at an age where the torch is passed and we step into the spots our mothers and fathers left behind. There is honor in that. There naturalness and beauty in that. But still, on these special remembrance days, there is a wistful sadness for times past. I guess the best we can do is honor our mothers and stay in a place of love. Take the day and recognize the woman who raised us to be the people we are today. And celebrate the present with the humans who are here with us today. For someday, we, or they, will be a memory. so make it a good one.

Happy Mothers Day my friends.

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challenges, Daily Life, daily practice, Growth, Honesty, Inspiration, Self

Flexing my Spiritual Muscle

It seems like there are 2 types of people around me these days.  Like minded and challenging. Sometimes (often) they are one in the same.  Human’s are complex, when I am in agreement in one area I can be polar opposite in another. It is those opposites that strengthen.

When I am in class, in church, among like minded friends I feel loved and supported.  I feel like my beliefs are solid, I can expand them.  I learn how to deepen my faith and my core beliefs.  There is no challenge, I hear thoughts and comments that support the path I am on.  And this is good for me, it is a safe place to grow.

But then I go out into the world. And that is where I get stronger.  Because the world does not necessarily agree with me.  I am constantly challenged by different belief systems.  Some of those challenges come from people who I love and respect.  This is where I step up or step out. Can I stand in my truth and not be afraid to share that?

It is pretty easy to take an anonymous stand.  It is pretty easy to say some headline news story is horrible.  We can mostly be in agreement when comes to global disasters, we can all be aghast at kidnappings, human slavery, famine.  This is when we are wonderful as humans who come together for a common good cause.

But when it comes down to individual beliefs we are different.  I was talking to a friend the other day and he was on a little rant against one of the recent police/black deaths that seem to prevalent these days.  We stand on opposite sides of this.  I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to have separation between us.  But I couldn’t agree and feel good within myself.  So I simply said “I have to believe that in the end Love will win”.  And there we found a common ground.

I have another friend who I love dearly.  We have common beliefs but we veer away on others.  There was a post the other day I disagreed with.  I tried all day to avoid it.  But I couldn’t let it go.  For me, if I stayed quiet, then I was complicit. I had to speak up, I tried so hard to be respectful.  I was not trying to change them. But I have to be willing to stand behind my beliefs.

And that is where I strengthen my muscles.  It is in the trenches I get stronger.  I believe in being kind.  I say it, I post it.  I’m all about kindness.  What about when it is not easy?  Can I still be kind?  When I am in line at the grocers and your baby is crying and annoying me…can I still be kind?  Can I see you are tired and simply trying to get home to feed the baby.  Can I just see the humanness and be kind?  When you cut me off in traffic can I bless you instead of flipping you off?  Can I see you as distracted or hurried rather than arrogant? When you snub me in the hallway at work, can I smile anyway?  Can I know a bigger truth about you, and not see you as rude?

Those are some simple daily actions that strengthen my muscles.  Life is the classroom.  Life is where I do the work.  Life is where I put into practice all of the beliefs that develop when supported by like minded people.  So my challenges are my greatest blessings.  They show where I have growing to do. I can meditate till the cows come home, but if I am rude to someone, feel anger, or impatience then I have more work to do. If I am afraid you won’t love me if I disagree or stand up for my beliefs, I have work to do.  And I am not going to see that in my little bubble of bliss.  I have to go out in the world and flex my muscles.

So thank you world, for making me strong. Thank you challenges for letting me see where I have work to do.  Thank you humans for showing me I truly believe my talk and am willing to walk it.  Thank you like minded people for giving me a safe place to grow.  Thank you Universal Spirit for this amazingly complex classroom we call life.

Namaste

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