attachment, Change, Freedom, Growth, Inspiration, Lessons, Uncategorized

Don’t Settle for Less Than What Loves Me and Grows Me

It feels like I am ready to let go of some things: some people, some dreams, some ideas, some hopes, just let go. I know I cannot move forward while hanging on to what does not work. Whether a relationship, a friendship, a job, it is time to let go.

I can honor the past and the lessons without living in them. I can appreciate the times with people and not try to drag them into the present. The lesson I get every day is you must move forward. In some form or another that comes up every single day.

Quit trying to make outgrown ideas fit.  Quit trying to mold relationships into something they are not. Let go of the dream that is not working for me. Let go of the idea if I don’t hold onto to what I have now I will have nothing.  Be brave, step forward. Not just in a place where I am loved, but in places I am not.  When people show me where they stand, believe them and move on. Don’t settle for less than what loves me and grows me.

And it seems some things in my life lately have a new lesson around them.  Telling me loud and clear it is time to make a change.  I have started with baby steps. I have started saying no when I need to. I am trying to speak the truth in a friendship of long standing that has been unbalanced and unhealthy for me. I have let go of strings that kept me attached to a past romance when I was still longing for more.  Honestly, this scares me, what if I end up without my friends, without romance?

Sometimes I feel like I am called to walk alone and I really really don’t want to do that. I really want connection beyond the surface.  But the more life goes on and more I lay my head down alone every night, the dream dies a little. Still, I cannot settle. My heart, my soul calls out for something real, something beyond what I have known. I keep thinking if I clear the path that love, that experience will find its way to me. If I keep the path cluttered up with diversions and things outgrown how will the new come in?

And so I let go, a little more all the time. I watch myself become peeled down, stripped away, with less connection and a little adrift.  But I also feel free and ready.  I am trying to not push the river, but to let it flow. I am trying to let life find me and not have an agenda around that. I am trying to lean in and breathe. I am trying to be okay with not knowing, not designing, not manipulating the path, but just walking it.

Attachment is so hard. If I were to choose what my lesson in this life is, it has been letting go of attachments.  It has taken the deaths of my parents, my grandparents, loss of a home, pets, friendships, divorce to push me down this path. And those are the big ones.  When I struggle with letting go, I remember all these that I have survived. If I could survive the death of my dad and leaving a 20 year marriage, I can change jobs.  If I can watch my mom pass away and hand over the keys to my home, I can let go of a guy who doesn’t want me. If I can release my child into the world as a adult, if I can stand there and watch my dog pass away, I make another home if that is what is needed.  If I can sing my grandmother onto the other side, I can fucking do anything. Let me remember how strong I am, Let me only accept my greater good.  When the lesson appears, learn it, and let it go.

So here is to moving forward (again). I am more than sure I am not done with clinging to what has past but each time I let go I get stronger. Here is to living for today and welcoming the future.

Namaste

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Change, Community, Daily Life, kindness, Leadership

Shifting Consciousness, We Can Do This

We can change our world, one act, one thought at a time.  What we do and think and say and how we act, it matters. We can shift consciousness, and when enough of us do, we change not just our world, but the world at large.

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi

I saw this in action the other day. It was not how it started nor my intention, but this is how it played out:

I see a man standing in a parking lot entry holding a sign asking for help. I watch him for awhile, no one stops but he stands there smiling anyway. He was presentable, his family was in a car next to where he was standing. I rarely do this, but I was moved to find out his story.

So I went up and talked to him for awhile. I asked questions, tried to see if I could help beyond a few dollars. We talked about jobs and housing. He is afraid to go to Social Services for help, he thinks they will take his children. We talked a lot.

But here is what I noticed. No had stopped to help him before. While I was standing talking to him 4 cars stopped and gave him money. One man handed him $20. He looked shocked , amazed and grateful. So I guess my point is that we can shift consciousness by being kind. By my standing there talking to this young man, people were moved to help. He became a person, not a threat or a stranger. The power of kindness can change the world.

So, shift in consciousness….not just mine but in that moment in time other humans shifted and were moved to act. They saw something differently and changed their response.  I saw it on a bigger scale when we had a huge fire in our neighboring county. People stepped up and gave like I have never seen happen in our community before.  It took on a life of its own until they asked everyone to stop bringing donations, as they were overfull. Everyone gave what they could of their time, treasure or talent.  It was beautiful to watch. I was and still am moved beyond words.

So how you live your life, how I live my life makes a difference. People see what we do, and it becomes safe for them to be giving, to be kind, to be open.  When we open our hearts to the world it is a little scary. We become vulnerable. What if people laugh at us, or think we are foolish?  What if we look weak?  What if people take advantage of us?

But hey, what if kindness is the new strong?  What if being vulnerable is the bravest thing you can do? What if we move beyond caring what people think? How about we pave a new path and shift consciousness? We can do this, one parking lot, one community at a time.  People are doing it everywhere all the time. I want to join those people.  I want the consciousness to be one of love, safety and abundance. That starts with my belief for myself and spreads through my world.

So however you want your world to be, than be that. Feed that which serves you best. People are watching, some are just waiting for someone to make the move, to have the belief. And then it becomes safe for them. So we get to be the trailblazers and we follow in the footsteps of amazing people. Let their footsteps not dissipate, but deepen them. Of course  Ghandi said it best

Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

You, me, us, we can shift the consciousness around us. We can create the energy we want by our thoughts and our actions.  Start believing you can make a difference and watch how it unfolds. Work with the Universe to create a world of kindness and love. Others will follow, just as we are.  Together we truly can make a difference, one kind act a time.

Namaste

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Daily Life, family, Growth, Inspiration, Love, Relationships, Self

Becoming My Own Example

So I think I am becoming my own example.  Today my grandmother is pressing on my mind.  I am thinking of her passing and the influence she had on me.  My grandmother (Maxine) was really really alive every day.  She lived until 94, every day celebrating being alive. And she has been such an inspiration to me.  She lived all alone the last 20 years, but was never lonely.  She had an active social life, church life and family life.  She never quit, ever. She told me, don’t stop. Be thirsty, be honest but caring. Grandma had her nose in everything, she was curious and loved to laugh.  She did not let life get her down, she kept going.

And then I thought of my mom who passed 3 years ago, and all the inspiration she gave me.  She was bold, fierce.  She took crap from no one. Honestly my mom had other issues and ended up allowing her demons to push away many friends and family that loved her.  But the parts that inspired me, she would fight for what she loved. She never let anyone tell her what to do. She was artistic, flamboyant and in your face.  She loved strongly.  She was amazing.

My dad’s mom, Grandma Stell  passed away more than 20 years ago.  She had a laughter to her life.  She always wanted to have fun.  She was southern to the core and sweet tea was always in the house.  She would take 3 different artificial Christmas trees, make them into one and called it  “pretty”. Married multiple times, again a woman who never gave up.   She loved hard, she loved me, she loved my dad. Oh my gosh, she would defend her family,

So all of these women who have loved and raised me are passed now.  And I am a mix of all of them.  All of their examples, all of their lessons have found their way into me.  Everyone of them was strong and stood on her own in her own way.  I realize that I do not have to be Mom, or Little Grandma, or Grandma Stell, I get to be Sandy.  And that takes nothing from them.  They did not live in another’s shadow but shone their own light.  I shine my own light, I beat my own drum.  I take the best from all, and become my own example.  I become my own inspiration.

All of these women lived and died a simple life.  None of them became famous, none of them left a mark beyond their own family, friends and lives.  No one wrote a book,  they were not politicians or great humanitarians.  100 years from we will hard pressed to find a memory, but I remember. And I am here now, and that matters.  This is how life goes on.  We lives our lives best we can.  I take all that I have been blessed with build my life.  I leave my mark on the world, be it simple or not.

So more and more I become my own example.  I live my life no one else’s.  I honor all of those women before who lived their own lives.  I see how different they were and each life was beautiful.  They made their choices, they became who they really were, no apologies. And I can do that too. I become myself, no one else. And I make no apologies.  I can see other examples, I can see the fierceness, the laughter, the lovingness, and the strength.  And instead of saying that is how I want to live, who I want to be, I can just be those qualities.  It takes nothing from those who have gone before, there is enough for everyone.  So instead of saying, this is who I want to be, I become it and say ” This is Who I Am.”

And so it is……

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