Category Archives: Inspiration

Connection, Honesty, Inner Voice, Inspiration, Spirit, Truth

The Clues Along the Way…

Paying attention to the little things.  That instant in time when you think something might have happened but you are not sure…. did you hear something, feel something, did something grab your attention, wake up, it all means something.

This came home to me again tonight when I found the milk leaking all over inside the refrigerator. As I was cleaning it up I remembered a moment on Friday. The milk hit something, I don’t remember exactly what. I remember thinking “hmmm wonder if that cut the carton”.  But I didn’t check, I just moved on. And today I found out well yes, it did.

We get clues all the time, little clues, big clues. We have to pay attention.  Life moves fast and it is easy easy to overlook what we don’t want to see. Way easier than dealing with it. I remember dating a guy once and finding a cut straw in his kitchen. If you have been around drugs at all you know what that means. I knew what that meant, but I choose to ignore it. To believe it was meant for something else, or leftover from a previous person. Or whatever lie I told myself so I didn’t have to deal with it. But eventually the truth came out. it all blew up and I could have avoided all of that angst and drama if I had not chosen to be asleep. But the lesson in that was learned and I never forgot it. The truth is the truth, even if I turn my face from it.

People drop clues all the time to who they really are.  I do it, you do it. It is human to do it. We want to tell our story, we want someone to know us, really know us. But it is hard to be transparent, sometimes it is not safe. So we test the waters and we see who cares enough to find our truth.  And those people, those precious few people become our safe place in the world.

I need to look at myself and see how am I doing. Am I being that person, that safe place?  At this point, I get it. It is not about the fancy house or car.  It is not about the power job. It is not about the social ladder. It is not about the money in the bank or the vacation. It is about people and how we make each other feel. All the money in the world, all the trappings, cannot take the place of compassion, kindness and awareness.

My job is to be awake.  My job is to be gentle with the world. My job is listen to the answer when I ask how you are. My job is look past the smile into your eyes and see the truth. My job is to be aware of your body language. Are you shut down, are you in pain?  Do you need a hand? What are your unsaid words saying? The part you leave out may tell me more then the spoken words.  My job is to to listen past the “good morning” into the knowing of how you really feel.

I don’t have to have every detail to give a kind word, a smile or pat on the shoulder.  I don’t have to bleed with you to be compassionate with your pain.  A hug, a smile, a “I know how that feels’, a shared thought, can go so far in today’s crazy hurry up world. We are all so busy and so fragmented that we rush past each other. And I am guilty of that also. And I need to be honest. . If I have had a hard night, say it. If I am a little sad, say it. I don’t have to expand,  but I can be real about who I am. And maybe that gives you room to be honest also. Or maybe it gives you the opportunity to practice compassion, which is awesome.

And my job for myself, stay awake. Listen to what the Universe is telling me. Because that is where Truth comes from. The truth of who I am. That inner all knowing voice inside has only  my best and truest intentions and will never lead me down the wrong path. I can trust that voice.  I cannot afford to close my eyes to what is uncomfortable, scary, sad,  or challenging.  It won’t disappear because I don’t pay attention. It will come back, messier than ever.

It is time to live with my eyes and my heart open.  To gather the clues I am being shown and work with them to make a better way of life. No more stumbling through life, saying I should have known.  The truth is I did know and I did not pay attention.  Everything means something.  Most of the time it is so far removed we cannot see the connection, but it is there. So pay attention to the world. Pay attention to the signals the Universe gives.That inner knowing will warn you of pitfalls and the Universe will always guide you to Love.

Namaste

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Choice, Daily Life, forgiveness, Growth, Healing, Inspiration, Mother

You are the Star of Your LIfe

This is your life, own it.  Everyone else is a spectator, you are the star.  If you do not live your life, your way, you are missing out on the greatest gift the Universe has to offer, your own wholeness.

There are many people around you, most of them have an opinion on how you should live, act, think, believe. Who you should love, why you should love, where you should love.  Everyone has their own agenda, it doesn’t matter.  Own your life,  this is your gift to yourself.

Even the most well meaning loving people have their own agenda.  I have one,  I have ways I want people to react.  I might want them to believe something because it is important to me.  I might want them love me, because I love them.  I might want them to behave in a certain way because it supports my belief.  And all of this wanting is done with a loving heart.  It doesn’t matter. It is not up to me.  I need to at look at what I want for others,  as my mirror for myself.

I have sat at bedsides of loved ones dying. I attended my mothers, and more recently my grandmothers death.  As heart wrenching and painful as those moments were, here is the truth, they died, I did not. It was their death, not mine, It was their life, not mine. At that moment what do you want to remember?  I want to remember I owned my life.  I did not give it away.  I felt my pains, I celebrated my joys, I chose my loves, I made up my own mind on my beliefs.  This is my life, not anyone else.  And when I die, I take my life with me.  The ones left behind are free to live theirs.

So this is our moment, this is our time to say “I am going to live my life, I am going to own my life. It is too precious to give away.  My beliefs, my decisions, my scars, my joys, my loves, my struggles, my lessons, my triumphs,  they are mine. I have earned them. I will keep them and I will celebrate them.”

I know it has been said way too often, but today I need to say it one more time….Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Have a beautiful day

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challenges, Daily Life, daily practice, Growth, Honesty, Inspiration, Self

Flexing my Spiritual Muscle

It seems like there are 2 types of people around me these days.  Like minded and challenging. Sometimes (often) they are one in the same.  Human’s are complex, when I am in agreement in one area I can be polar opposite in another. It is those opposites that strengthen.

When I am in class, in church, among like minded friends I feel loved and supported.  I feel like my beliefs are solid, I can expand them.  I learn how to deepen my faith and my core beliefs.  There is no challenge, I hear thoughts and comments that support the path I am on.  And this is good for me, it is a safe place to grow.

But then I go out into the world. And that is where I get stronger.  Because the world does not necessarily agree with me.  I am constantly challenged by different belief systems.  Some of those challenges come from people who I love and respect.  This is where I step up or step out. Can I stand in my truth and not be afraid to share that?

It is pretty easy to take an anonymous stand.  It is pretty easy to say some headline news story is horrible.  We can mostly be in agreement when comes to global disasters, we can all be aghast at kidnappings, human slavery, famine.  This is when we are wonderful as humans who come together for a common good cause.

But when it comes down to individual beliefs we are different.  I was talking to a friend the other day and he was on a little rant against one of the recent police/black deaths that seem to prevalent these days.  We stand on opposite sides of this.  I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to have separation between us.  But I couldn’t agree and feel good within myself.  So I simply said “I have to believe that in the end Love will win”.  And there we found a common ground.

I have another friend who I love dearly.  We have common beliefs but we veer away on others.  There was a post the other day I disagreed with.  I tried all day to avoid it.  But I couldn’t let it go.  For me, if I stayed quiet, then I was complicit. I had to speak up, I tried so hard to be respectful.  I was not trying to change them. But I have to be willing to stand behind my beliefs.

And that is where I strengthen my muscles.  It is in the trenches I get stronger.  I believe in being kind.  I say it, I post it.  I’m all about kindness.  What about when it is not easy?  Can I still be kind?  When I am in line at the grocers and your baby is crying and annoying me…can I still be kind?  Can I see you are tired and simply trying to get home to feed the baby.  Can I just see the humanness and be kind?  When you cut me off in traffic can I bless you instead of flipping you off?  Can I see you as distracted or hurried rather than arrogant? When you snub me in the hallway at work, can I smile anyway?  Can I know a bigger truth about you, and not see you as rude?

Those are some simple daily actions that strengthen my muscles.  Life is the classroom.  Life is where I do the work.  Life is where I put into practice all of the beliefs that develop when supported by like minded people.  So my challenges are my greatest blessings.  They show where I have growing to do. I can meditate till the cows come home, but if I am rude to someone, feel anger, or impatience then I have more work to do. If I am afraid you won’t love me if I disagree or stand up for my beliefs, I have work to do.  And I am not going to see that in my little bubble of bliss.  I have to go out in the world and flex my muscles.

So thank you world, for making me strong. Thank you challenges for letting me see where I have work to do.  Thank you humans for showing me I truly believe my talk and am willing to walk it.  Thank you like minded people for giving me a safe place to grow.  Thank you Universal Spirit for this amazingly complex classroom we call life.

Namaste

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Daily Life, family, Growth, Inspiration, Love, Relationships, Self

Becoming My Own Example

So I think I am becoming my own example.  Today my grandmother is pressing on my mind.  I am thinking of her passing and the influence she had on me.  My grandmother (Maxine) was really really alive every day.  She lived until 94, every day celebrating being alive. And she has been such an inspiration to me.  She lived all alone the last 20 years, but was never lonely.  She had an active social life, church life and family life.  She never quit, ever. She told me, don’t stop. Be thirsty, be honest but caring. Grandma had her nose in everything, she was curious and loved to laugh.  She did not let life get her down, she kept going.

And then I thought of my mom who passed 3 years ago, and all the inspiration she gave me.  She was bold, fierce.  She took crap from no one. Honestly my mom had other issues and ended up allowing her demons to push away many friends and family that loved her.  But the parts that inspired me, she would fight for what she loved. She never let anyone tell her what to do. She was artistic, flamboyant and in your face.  She loved strongly.  She was amazing.

My dad’s mom, Grandma Stell  passed away more than 20 years ago.  She had a laughter to her life.  She always wanted to have fun.  She was southern to the core and sweet tea was always in the house.  She would take 3 different artificial Christmas trees, make them into one and called it  “pretty”. Married multiple times, again a woman who never gave up.   She loved hard, she loved me, she loved my dad. Oh my gosh, she would defend her family,

So all of these women who have loved and raised me are passed now.  And I am a mix of all of them.  All of their examples, all of their lessons have found their way into me.  Everyone of them was strong and stood on her own in her own way.  I realize that I do not have to be Mom, or Little Grandma, or Grandma Stell, I get to be Sandy.  And that takes nothing from them.  They did not live in another’s shadow but shone their own light.  I shine my own light, I beat my own drum.  I take the best from all, and become my own example.  I become my own inspiration.

All of these women lived and died a simple life.  None of them became famous, none of them left a mark beyond their own family, friends and lives.  No one wrote a book,  they were not politicians or great humanitarians.  100 years from we will hard pressed to find a memory, but I remember. And I am here now, and that matters.  This is how life goes on.  We lives our lives best we can.  I take all that I have been blessed with build my life.  I leave my mark on the world, be it simple or not.

So more and more I become my own example.  I live my life no one else’s.  I honor all of those women before who lived their own lives.  I see how different they were and each life was beautiful.  They made their choices, they became who they really were, no apologies. And I can do that too. I become myself, no one else. And I make no apologies.  I can see other examples, I can see the fierceness, the laughter, the lovingness, and the strength.  And instead of saying that is how I want to live, who I want to be, I can just be those qualities.  It takes nothing from those who have gone before, there is enough for everyone.  So instead of saying, this is who I want to be, I become it and say ” This is Who I Am.”

And so it is……

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Change, Daily Life, Growth, Honesty, Inspiration, self love

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

So what story am I telling myself, and is it even true?  Something happened today that made me take a look at the stories we tell and where they come from.  How we build lives around them, make decisions around them, and was the story ever really true?

Someone I know (my son) has been living this story that today proved to not even be true.  He bought a car 1 1/2 years ago.  In order to register it in his name he had to have it smogged.  This car had modifications to the engines (guys car) so he said it would not pass smog.  He could not finish the registration and transfer because of this.  Time goes by, he gets an extension. More time goes by, he gets a tickets as his tags are expired.   He cannot get the tags, because its not in his name.  He gets another extension.  We have multiple conversations around this. He tells me there is an engine light causing the problem.  To fix it would mean much work and many dollars.  More time goes by, he gets another tickets.  Next move is impound.

There is much stress, anxiety, many conversations around this.  My sister tries to help, my brother in law gives advice.  Finally I say I need to tell my mechanic exactly why it won’t smog.  Tell me what the smog people said. My sons says “well I never tried to have it smogged.”  What?????  Deep breath…… Okay son, take it to the smog people, get an exact reason it will not smog and we can go from there. Today he takes the car in.  It passes smog.  There is no problem.  The story was not true. He built a whole piece of his life around a story that was not true.

our story

Our stories are important. We define ourselves,  we connect with others, we make decisions, all around the story we have decided is our truth.  But we have a responsibility to ourselves to  question these stories.  We cannot live blindly or stuck in an old story.  That does not do us or those around us justice.  Every now and then we need to check in and say is this still true?  How did we start believing this, was it ever true?  Looking at that will help us move forward and grow.  Maybe the story is still true, okay then we know are on the right path. We have to be wiling to look at ourselves and what we believe about ourselves every now and then.  Otherwise we are living by default.

One story I tell myself is that I am not the kind of woman a man wants to marry.  Where I decided this I don’t know.  I think it was to protect myself from being rejected.  This thought helped me get through failed relationships, giving me an out (not my fault),  after all I am not the kind of woman that men marry.  It couldn’t have been that I picked men who were emotionally unavailable, or younger and wanting to make a family. It couldn’t have been that I did not want to be married.  Shouldn’t every woman want that?  Isn’t that the dream?  How could I not want that?

Here is the thing, that thought helped me get through some really fragile years.  Years I should not have been thinking of marriage or any long term relationship.  So that belief served me well. It protected me, it gave me time, time to grow. I came out of a 20 year marriage and I had some healing to do. So that story that I told, well it helped me then.

But now, maybe I need to look at that again.  Because I still say it, and I am not so sure it is true anymore.  I think differently now.  I have grown in many ways and now my life has changed and so have I .   But if I keep thinking that and saying that, I will be stuck in an old pattern.  A pattern that doesn’t fit anymore.   Yes, I am independent and tend to need alone time, but I am sure there is someone out there that I am perfect for.   I am changing my story.

Our stories can be good, they can be empowering.  One of my mom’s stories was that she was lucky. And she was!  She was always winning contests and jackpots.  She went through her life saying “i’m lucky” and it served her well.  So how about some good stories.  How about I say I am smart, funny, capable? How about I believe that I am amazing?  I could say I am lucky in love, in finances.  Just plain lucky.  I could tell the story of how I survived a divorce and came out on the other side with my sanity. I could believe that I am available to be a wonderful partner. My story could be I am a great mom. My story could be I leave a blessed mark wherever I go.  My story can be whatever I want.

But I need to look at it.  What am I telling myself, what I do believe to be true?  And is it? No more hiding, no more fairy tales.  The princess is a queen now and stories are in the open.  Whether pretty, ugly, sad or uplifting, I own them.  I invite you to look at your stories.  What are you telling yourself, and is it true?  We all have many stories through our lives.  We can change them, we can write another chapter.  It is all in our hands.  But mainly be sure the story still fits.  Don’t try to live in outgrown skin.   Make a new story, and fill it with love.

Namaste

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Choice, Daily Life, Growth, Inspiration, Self, time

You Can’t Buy Time

“All I need is time, and  you can’t buy time.”  This was said to me today in my grandmothers hospital room.  She is 94 and well aware that time is precious for her.  We want to believe that she has many more years, and maybe she does, but maybe she doesn’t. It is harder to believe you do when you are 94 and looking at major changes in health and lifestyle.  So we smiled a little, but the moment was bittersweet, because there was such honesty behind it.

  • It is so easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the pale new growth on an evergreen, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of our kids’ eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live. Unless you know there is a clock ticking.–Anna Quindlen (A Short Guide to a Happy Life)

We have all watched time slip away on something.  A child growing up and moving out on their own.  We watch those precious days of them under our roof, knowing that will end.  We have been in school knowing graduation was coming and life would change.  We have watched marriages end, the clock ticking as we made our plans.  We have watched friends move away, each day bringing them closer to being gone.  We have watched loved ones die, each moment precious and never to be recovered. We have lain in bed with our lover on a cold morning knowing the world was calling and the moment of separation was at hand. We have watched time slip away over and over again. That is the way of life. Time moves forward.

So what could be more precious than the moment at hand?  Never to be recovered or to be repeated.  How am I honoring these moments, these hours, these days? Am I spending them as well as I can.  Am I throwing away time? Do I recognize its value?

I have a job that I do not love, I also do not hate it. But 40 hours of every week are assigned to being there.  What I know is the job is honorable, productive and serves a greater purpose in the world. It also affords me the means to be independent and self sufficient. Since I have to be there I can look for the good in how spend my time.  I am surrounded by co workers and each one is an opportunity to make a connection.  To see a greater truth about why we are there.  To find some joy and laughter in the day.  To be of support when someone needs a shoulder. Is this easy?  No.  Do I fail? Yes.  Do I keep trying? Yes.  Because I am spending my time there and my time is valuable and I don’t want to waste my days. I cannot replace them.

Beyond that, how am spending my time?  Can I lay down at night and feel I had a good day, a worthwhile day?  Can I look back at last week and think I spent my time with those I love?  Can I see that I spend time in joy?  Did I learn, did I grow?  Did I give back as much as I received?

Can I recognize what does not feed my soul and leave it behind?  Can I say to myself this person, this situation, does not honor my time and let it go?  Can I do that without guilt?  Can I honest and gentle and still put myself and my time first?  Time is too valuable, I need to choose wisely. Not one moment can ever be given back.

Because for me time wasted is not about a Netflix marathon.  If I am happy and enjoying myself whatever I am doing is not time wasted.  Time wasted is spending my time in distress, in unhappiness, being uncomfortable.  Those are the conditions I do not want to lay down with at night.  Those are the things where I can say “this is not bringing value to my life” and move away from them.  I know it is easier said than done.  But I can try, I can start the process. I can refuse to support situations that are not for my greater good.

Because I want to be 94 and still looking for more time.  I want time to have time served me so well that I am greedy for more.  I want a life well lived, and I know that is up to me.  Everyday when I awaken I get to choose how I spend my time.  Maybe not where I spend my time, but how.  Because whether I am at work, lounging around, sharing time with loved ones, stuck in traffic or standing in line at the store I still get to choose the quality of that time.  Those are still my moments and they are equal in value.  Some are teaching moments, some are learning moments, some are simply bliss, and they are all mine.  And sometimes it is as simple I am choosing to be happy in this moment.

So all of our clocks are ticking.  I am trusting I have a grandmother clock which will last a long time. But if I have not spent my time well it doesn’t matter how long I have.  And if I have, I guess it doesn’t really matter either.  At the end of the day time is kind of an illusion we use to mark our days.  The truth what we really have is right now, this moment. The past is gone, the future an unknown, but this moment, this moment is here. You have this time right now…..spend it wisely.

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Daily Life, family, Inspiration, Spirit, strength

My Grandma is Amazing

I am so inspired by my grandmother.  Today I watched something amazing.  A little background, my grandma will be 95 in June.  She has lived alone since my grandfather died 20 years ago.  She is tiny, shrunken down to 4’6″ now, maybe 100 pounds. She has always worked, as long as I can remember, She worked when my mom was a child.  Grandma has always held an outside job. She was never the traditional stay at home mom. Up until this last year she was still working, 3 days a week at the Senior Center. She is active in her church and her women’s group.  She has a ton of friends and more of a social life than I do.

But things have not been easy.  She is oldest of 6 siblings and they have all passed away now.  Many many of her friends have passed.  Her husband is gone, her daughter, her beloved son in law and so on. She has watched one person after another leave and she is still here. She has this amazing will.

And today I got to see it in action. Because now she is in a convalescent/rehabilitation hospital.  And she is fighting to get well enough to go home. She is not giving up.  This little tiny ball of fire will not give up.  There are medical things going on she cannot fix.  She has heart failure and water retention.  She is on oxygen.  And still she moves forward.  I watched her today on a walker go up and down the hall with her therapist. She wants to get better.  She is working hard at therapy, trying to prove she can be well enough to go home.  And if anyone can do this, grandma can. I am rooting for her.

And amazingly she is making progress.  They are working her off the oxygen, her swelling is there but better.  And her mind, oh my gosh, she is sharp. She sees everything, she knows everyone and their life stories now.  She is engaged in life, in the midst of struggle, in the midst of a place that is sad, that most people fade away in, she shines.  And I am blown away.  I have known her all my life, I should expect nothing less, but come on, she is 94. How do you find strength, energy and resolve at that point?

I asked her when she turned 89 what were her rules for a long life,  Here is what she told me.  Eat right, keep moving, be kind, but don’t take any malarkey. I love that.  I have it pinned up at my desk. I try to be kind, but I don’t take any malarkey.

So I have no room to complain.  I don’t get to say life is too hard, I don’t get to give up. I don’t get to check out, I don’t get to quit caring.  My life is easy.  I am blessed,  I bounce out of bed, jump in my truck, do a days work.  I am healthy, I can walk, I can think, I can see.  I get to go home at night. Maybe that is the biggest thing, I get to go home. So tomorrow when I am bitching about something, I am going to think of Lillian Maxine Hennigan in her walker working her way back home.  If you are a praying person send up one for my grandma. She is an amazing example of living life every minute you can.

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forgiveness, Growth, Inspiration, Love, Relationships

Second Chances

Second chances, we get them sometimes.  A chance to make amends, to forgive or be forgiven. I had one of those come up for me recently.  When my mom died hurt feelings were left behind with 2 people who I have known and loved my entire life. Circumstances around honoring my mothers wishes fell to me.  And because of that I had to make choices that did not include them.  And I always felt they were mad at me, that they held me responsible.  And I really hated that, but I didn’t know how to make it right.

Now 3 years have passed, and I get a Christmas card from them. First one ever.  It was in response to my sisters illness, just saying thank you for watching out for her.  A nice card.  It opened the door a little bit for me.  I thought I should call and thank them, but I was afraid.  Afraid all the pain of my mother dying would be fresh again,afraid all the decisions would have to justified.  Afraid the card was not really an opening, but just a politeness. So I sat the card aside, but never let it go in my mind.

Lately something has been changing inside me.  I want to clean up my side of the street. I want to heal wounds I have carried and created.  I want to be open and honest and real. More and more I am telling people I love them.  Not just my family, I have always said that to them, not even old friends, they know that.  But those people who are important to me. Who I love and maybe I have never said that to them.

I think somewhere in my mind saying “I love you” carried some responsibility, some sense of commitment….scary stuff to me.  That is kind of shifting for me.  Now loving you, means I love you.  I care about you, I care that you are happy and healthy.  That your life has value to me. That I am joyful to be with you.  I does not mean I owe you, or I am responsible for you. i do not have to make you happy.  I do not have to heal you.  I can simply Love you. For me, this is freeing, it opens the door to all kinds of Love.

Back to the card….. Yesterday I called them.  I was a little hoping I would get the answering machine.  But no, she answered. After the first couple of sentences the awkwardness was gone.  I simply said “Thank you for sending the card, it meant a lot to me”. And then we just started talking, about family, about life. We brushed on my mother but did not dwell there.  Maybe someday I can explain, maybe I don’t need to.  Maybe it is done and forgiven without words.  This is what I know, before we hung upsecond chance she said ” I love you, please stay in touch”.  And I felt forgiven, I felt so much guilt disappear. I felt healing in my soul.

But here is the deal, I was lucky.  They are still here for me to have had that conversation with.  I am ever aware it could be different.  If something would have happened I would have never known I was forgiven.  I know forgiveness starts inside.  I know the real forgiveness is me forgiving myself.  And on many levels I have done that.  I was in an impossible circumstance and I did my very best.  I forgive myself for any missteps I made during that time.  But a piece of me needed to know they were okay with me, that they understood and still loved me.  And I got that chance, I had that moment.

So don’t wait, don’t wonder.  Timing is important.  In the thick of things it is hard to get a true perspective, from either side.  But don’t drag it out.  I waited three years, anything could have happened during that time.  I would have carried those thoughts (that were not even true) for the rest of my life.  I would have always wondered.

I must look at my self also.  Where do I need to forgive?  What am I holding on to?  If someone needs a second chance with me, am I ready?  Have I healed?  Can I be gracious and be open to the idea we can have a better ending?  I want to be that person, I am working towards that.  Maybe just taking the first step is half the battle.

I have to let go of ego, or the I am justified feeling. I need to take down the fences I keep up because I think they keep me safe from rejection.   Looking inside myself I don’t want to carry those feelings.  Those feelings stand in the way of my good, those feelings keep me trapped.  Perhaps those feelings at some point protected me from what I perceived as vulnerability or further hurt. There comes a time when those walls do more to keep me in than others out.

I know now to grow I must be vulnerable, I must willing to be open and honest.  I think most of my growth has come through pain. Joy is wonderful. Happiness, peace, these are places my soul can rest in.  But pain, growth, soul searching, vulnerability, these places make me strong and whole. I must experience it all to be complete.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. Kahlil Gibran.

So be willing to open the shell, to grow and see a different ending.  Be willing to forgive and be forgiven.  Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behavior or letting anyone use you, or lessen the person you are.  Forgiveness (for me) is about letting go of the picture I thought should have happened and accepting what really did.  It is about moving past that moment, taking the lesson and growing into a new idea or belief. It is about seeing the relationship in its wholeness, not just one piece of it. It is about letting go, moving on, and being free.  Free from anger, free from bitterness, free from pain.

If you have a chance, if your moment comes, take it. Whether it is about forgiving or being forgiven, it is one coin.  There is wholeness when both sides come together.  You cannot have one without the other.  Even if what ends up happening is you forgive yourself, that is enough.  That is more than enough. Still, there is a certain beauty when two souls come together in healing.

May your life be filled with second chances.

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Daily Life, Inspiration, Love, Relationships, time

We Think We Have Time

We think we have time. We live like we have forever, and in some ways we do.  We have time until we do not.  And there are no ways of knowing when that will change. But change it will, somewhere, sometime, somehow. Maybe it is becoming older and seeing people pass from my life and knowing our time was done.  Maybe it is seeing those I love in distress or close to death and getting another chance with them.  Here is what I know, time is precious, days are precious, I cannot afford to waste them.

Since I cannot predict when my last words, or sharing will be with someone every time becomes important.  I have a grandmother, my last living direct female before me, who is 94.  She is amazing.  She lives alone and still goes to church, senior center, out to lunch, she is very active.  And her mind, probably better than mine. But she is 94 and the body wears down.  I had a chance to see her last weekend and I grabbed it.  I spent about an hour sitting next to her, listening to he2014-06-21 02.06.56r stories, seeing her smile and laugh.  I didn’t really know how important that time was, later that day she went into the hospital.  There was some stuff going on she had not shared with us.  She is okay now, and coming home today.  But what if it had been different? And how would I have felt if I had not taken the time to be loving and kind to Grandma?

I know this is an extreme example.  Most people I see are not 94 and headed to the hospital. Almost always I will see them again.  But you know that feeling, that moment when you hear that someone has passed?  For me, one of my first reactions is remembering the last time I saw them. I want those memories to be loving, I want those memories to make me smile.  I want those memories to bring me peace. And that, my friends, is up to me.

Which means I have to approach life with a loving heart.  All those people who seen me for the last time, I want them to have a warm memory of me.  I want them to smile or know we parted with good in our hearts for each other.  Because the truth there are friends and family in my life right now I have had my final time with. And I cannot change any of that.  I can search my mind and my heart to see if I have left wounds anywhere. There are probably a few, I have tried not to burn bridges, but I have also set a couple on fire. Mostly that was self preservation and to make sure I could not cross that bridge again.  If I have any opportunities to make amends I should grab them. I do not always get second chances.

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
― George Harrison

So the past is the past and I have today.  I can connect  with people kindly and lovingly.  When I am feeling I love someone, I can tell them.  I can let people know they are important to me.  I can leave people feeling like they were glad I was there. At the very least I can be gracious.  I can make sure not to throw away time.  I can make today count.

We think we have time, and we do, and we don’t .  Time is a trickster, it fools us into complacency.  A feeling that we have tomorrow, and next week and next month.  And mostly we do, until we don’t.  And that is the tricky part.  You just never know. I cannot live in such a heightened state of time awareness that it stresses me out and I miss the joys of today.  Living each day as if it were my last?  To truly do that feels impossible, how would I even know what that will feel like?  I cannot, as far as I know I have tomorrow.

I want to live in a way that honors every day.  With awareness that my acts of today build my tomorrows.  To know way I treat people, the love I show, the respect and attention I give others will hold me through the losses.  So this is not about dying, it is about living.  Living with the true knowledge that every encounters matters, that everything I do makes an impact.  It is not for me to know where the ripples of my life will reach. I just have to send out good ripples. To live honestly, kindly and lovingly.  To know that whether it is me or another looking back at our final encounter we can smile and be at peace.

Go out into the world today and love it.  Be kind to those you know, be gracious.  Show attention and recognition.  If I see you today I am aware that moment in time is precious for us. Each opportunity to connect and love is a gift.  Let us not waste that.  Let us not waste time, what on earth could be more precious?  At the end of the day, let us know we had we spent our time wisely, lovingly and with awareness.

Namaste

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Change, Gratitude, Inspiration, Love, New Year, Relationships, Self, Soul, Spirit

Intentions, 2015 and Beyond

So I want to share my intentions for 2015 with you. I believe that stating this out loud to the world gives my intentions even more strength.  So this is an indulgent post, It is all about me.  But maybe something will come up for you that says I want that too.  Because you can have whatever you believe you can have.  And that is the key. The knowingness, the belief, that these things belong to you.  Whatever is yours will appear. So here are mine, for now: This or something better……..

2015 Intention 

In looking at my life I realize there are ways my life can be better, ways I can be happier and have a fuller life.  In recognizing that, I also recognize my role in manifesting these changes in my life.  I have prayed and treated around these ideas.  I am ready to acknowledge and set my intentions for 2015 and beyond.

I want a life that is full of love and community without limiting my need to recharge with time to myself.  I am a loving, caring person and I want that returned to me by those I come in contact with.  I accept nothing less than balance and equality in my relationships. I welcome friends, family and lovers into my life while still keeping my self respect.  I will no longer chase anyone or allow anyone to make me feel my life is secondary. My intention is to live lovingly, happily and fully with those who are likeminded.  Equally, my intention is to allow those I love to walk their own paths with my support, without any fear of loss of love from them.  My intention is to not cling so tightly, but to have mutually respectful and loving relationships.

My intention is to welcome financial abundance in my life.  I recognize that I have been willing to live with lack and I release the belief that this is natural in my life.  I know that the Universe has an never ending supply of whatever I need and I need money. I am now living with the intention that my finances will be multiplied in a way that will enhance my life and the lives of my community.  I see this, I believe this and I welcome this.

My intention is to  live in a healthy body.  This includes living at a healthy weight.  I no longer need to fill any lack in my life with food.  My intention is to wake each day in with a healthy mind and a healthy body.  I see myself growing healthier each day and as a result of clear minded thinking I will reach a healthy weight. I release any need to fill voids with food or drink. I accept and love my body as it is and I am willing for my body to grow healthier.  My intention is to move through my life with grace and ease no longer fighting a battle with my weight.

My intention is to welcome a loving committed relationship into my life.  My life will become enhanced by a singular love which will expand my life.  I release any fear around commitment or settling. I know the love coming into my life will only make my life better and more joyful.  I am ready for this, I no longer need to walk alone. I know a loving relationship is the next step in my growth and I welcome this.  This relationship will not take away from anything and I will not have to “give up” anything that is valuable or important in my life. I have an open honest heart and I welcome the same. My intention is to receive love and commitment in a way that multiplies my joys.  My intention is to say yes to Love.

2015 Treatment 

I know that there is one God, one Designer of the universe and of my life.  I know that God is in everything I do, every thought, every breath.  There is no part of me or my life where God is not.  And knowing this Truth, I know that my stated intentions are the word of God. I know each and every thought of mind and desire of my heart is supported by the Beloved.  And knowing this, I know my life is good.  I know my life will only grow, will only get better and is fully supported by the Universe. I am so grateful for this knowledge.  I am  grateful for light in me that works with God to co create my life.  And as I know this for myself, I know this for everyone.  Everyone is connected, everyone is loved, everyone is supported.  And feeling this deep connection I release my words, my thoughts, my desires into the Mind of God, knowing as I do, the work is already done.  And I let it be so, and so it is.

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