Tag Archives: appearances

Daily Life, friendship, Growth, Honesty, Love, Self, self love

It’s Okay if You Don’t Like Me… I Like Me

Is the quickest way to peace of mind to love yourself?  For some reason this week this statement has been running through my mind “It’s okay if you don’t like me, I like me” I don’t even know why but all of a sudden I am kind of falling in love with myself.  And it feels good.  It feels peaceful, no struggle, no trying to fix myself.  No trying to change for someone or appease someone.  No thinking they are right about me and I am wrong. I am simply relaxing into who I am.

katieI think most people like me, but not everyone.  At one point I would have been wondering why.Did I do something, was I offensive, do they disapprove of my lifestyle?  How can I fix this?  Can I make them like me. Well no I cannot. And is that okay?  Yes.  You can not like me, you can not want to be my friend. I like me and I will be my friend.

The more I am loving myself the better I am to the world.  The better to my friends, my family and the community I live in.  It is like stopping a struggle, the struggle to prove myself.  I get it that I am not everyone’s cup of tea.  And that is okay, there are many flavors out there.  And what I know is, I cannot please everyone. I have to start with myself.

There are certain people I have great respect and love for.  These people, I do care what they think.  I do listen to their opinions and it is important to me that they like me, that they approve of me. But that is a handful of people, and honestly at the end of day if they cannot love me for who I am, I still cannot pull myself in pieces trying to be who they need.  They are just going to have to need me to be as I am, and love me anyway. Everyone else, take me, or don’t.

Okay I am not perfect.  I see things in myself I want to change.   I can jump to conclusions.  I am defensive, I can be self absorbed.  I will let my emotions rule my head.  Sometimes I talk too much and forget to listen.  Other times I don’t talk at all and shut down. I will overshare and then undershare.  I will take way too much crap and then be mad at others and myself.  So I guess I am human.

But I am also amazing.  And I don’t even need to list all those things, it is enough that I know them.   Also,  I am a work in progress.  And I am learning more every day and trying to apply it.  It is all about baby steps.  One after another.  I can look back and see progress.  I am way less concerned with how the world sees me and more connected to my own vision. I am not afraid of you anymore.  I am not afraid of your opinion.  I don’t not have to change for you. I am free, or least on my way.

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

– Louise L. Hay

Someone I loved gave me a box of darkness…. I have spoken of that before. My mother, one of my great teachers.  She did not like herself, let alone, love herself. I watched her push the world away one by one.  I heard her say  so many times things like “Well, I don’t like me.”  And I thought, I love you, can’t you see that?  Can’t you see how amazing the world could be for you, if you would stop this, and starting loving yourself.  She never did, until the very end, she pushed us all away. And I do not want that for myself.  I do not want to repeat how my mom lived.  I do not want to not love myself. I saw what it could do, it was not beautiful, or loving, or peaceful.

The more I accept and love myself the better I am to myself.  I recognize that it makes a difference in the foods I eat, I sleep I get.  I seek out people and circumstances that feed my soul with joy.  I make sure I relax and not be demanding on myself.  I speak well to myself about myself. When I am in a state of self love, I can go out there and change the world.  I can go out there spread love.  I can be joy.  I can be compassionate.

And the struggle to be something we are not can end.  When I know I do not have to change for you to like me, I also know you do not have to change a thing for me.  You are perfect, you are amazing.  You are a beautiful, unique and irreplaceable. You get to celebrate that.  We can each shine our light, our perfect light out into the world saying “Here I am, there is no one else like me and for that I am grateful”.

Namaste

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Change, Daily Life, Honesty, Inspiration, Self, Spirit

My Rumpled Life

My life is like a rumpled bed.  I came across those two words “rumpled bed” and wow, they fit.  Because my life is not messy, but it is rumpled.  You can tell someone lives here.  And I think that is kind of awesome. Nothing in my life is perfect, or calm, or smooth. I am rumpled.

So what does that mean to me?  Well most people don’t even see the rumples.  They are busy living their lives and look past my bumps and folds.  On the outside I look pretty together.  I have a responsible job, I support myself, my clothes match, I know how to present myself properly, I am fairly healthy, I have friends, a lover, I am on good terms with my family. It all looks good from the outside.

But if I pick it apart I am a little rumpled. Yes I have a good job, but I am stuck and not moving forward.  I know that is on me but apparently I don’t care enough to change it, so bumps there. Yes I support myself, but every single month I stretch the pennies to make it, and savings is joke at this point.  Lots of rumples there, but no one sees it. I look good, I have lots of clothes, I buy them at the thrift shops, more rumpledness.  My health is okay but I don’t go for checkups like I should.  And my weight, well, that plagues me. But if I dress appropriately and keep showing up for work and life, well then no one really notices.  But I am so very rumpled in this area. I will say family, friends, and lover, those are the smooth parts of my rumpled life but we do hit bumps.

She was made for untidy rooms and rumpled beds.”
― Alexander McCall Smith, The Sunday Philosophy Club

Maybe that is me, because I like my life.   I don’t want a messy life, I have had that.  But I don’t want it all to be smooth sailing either.  Because it is the rumpledness that adds texture.  I have to look around for things.  I have to challenge myself. I have to work through my life; think, feel, experience it.  Right now my apartment is messy. I can look at it and see what needs to be picked up, dusted off, vacuumed.  And I will do that this morning.  When I come home later everything will be spiffy for a minute. But then I will fill it up again. And the cycle continues.  This is how I live my life.

So do we all live rumpled lives?  I think so, to different degrees.  Some lives are messy and mine has been at times. There is a lot of work there and once the messes were cleared I did not care to revisit it.  Those lessons were learned, though I am sure more mess will appear.  I am never done with my lessons.  But in my daily life, moving through my world,  I like It a rumpled, a little scattered.  Not quite in control.  Not quite as it appears to the world. We are human.  When we stop to smell the flowers we might get rained on.  When I see smooth sheets and a made bed I think it is there to be laid on and enjoyed.  Mess those sheets up.  Life is like that.  It is there to be lived, all the way.

I think rumpled is a synonym for opportunity to grow.  It means there is something in my world I can fix. I can make better, I can grow from. And that keeps my juicy, it keeps me engaged, it keeps me reaching and a little unsatisfied.  When I am hungry for something, when my soul calls for it, that is when I make the changes, that is when I smooth the sheets. That is when I feel most alive.  I never want my bed to be completely smooth, I always want something to be calling me to grow.

And I hope that is the same for you.  Whether you are rumpled everywhere or just a little, those are your places to look at.  Those are the sweet spots that take you to another level.  I don’t wish mess for you, mess is hard.  Mess happens when we ignore the rumples.  The rumples are our warning, our signal, our call to change.  May we always have a little bump in our road. And may it lift us higher.

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