Daily Life, Gratitude, Inspiration, Relationships, Spirit

The Gratitude Season

Starting November 1st I am doing 30 Days of Gratitude.  With all that has happened lately and the holidays coming up this seems timely for me.  And of course here in America it is the Thanksgiving season, so thankfulness, gratitude, appreciation, all of that is blooming.

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How my 30 days looks is like this:  I have  a Facebook  page and I will simply post each evening whatever I am grateful for that day.  In addition I am exchanging a gratitude text with my sister each night and maybe one other friend.  I haven’t heard back from him yet.  I want to do those personal ones because they are both so very important to me and sharing this will only strengthen our bonds.

I haven’t always been grateful, at least actively.  I took so much for granted.  I think that’s just being young.  I felt immortal, I was self absorbed. I was in a rush and the intensity level was high. I had many lessons to learn, one of them has been gratitude.

“I have learned over a period of time to be almost unconsciously grateful–as a child is–for a sunny day, blue water, flowers in a vase, a tree turning red. I have learned to be glad at dawn and when the sky is dark. Only children and a few spiritually evolved people are born to feel gratitude as naturally as they breathe, without even thinking. Most of us come to it step by painful step, to discover that gratitude is a form of acceptance.”
― Faith BaldwinMany Windows, Seasons of the Heart

I have to say I am pretty grateful everyday in all kinds of ways.  The older I am the more grateful I am, and it’s for the simple things. The blue sky, the rain, the changing leaves, a gentle touch, humor, a phone call, a text, a warm bed, food,….I think these were all today.  It has been a process, a Practice actually.  I have had to be conscious of my thoughts.  I have had to look for gratitude.  It did not bloom overnight. But now gratitude comes naturally, every day I am grateful. And I know, and I speak it and I share it.

With gratitude comes calmness, peace, harmony, joy, love, acceptance, all the things I searched for.  I find them through being grateful. And even when times are hard, there is always, always something to be grateful for.  And the more I feed gratitude, the more my life settles into a pattern of Peace, a pattern of Joy.

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

So yes, even though it sounds simplistic be grateful you wake up, start there. Be grateful for the coffee, or the tea, or the hot shower.  You could be grateful for 10 things first thing in the morning.  It does not always have to be the big stuff, small stuff matters.  Because the little things, those are the things that make up our life.  And when we have a pattern of gratefulness for the small things, when something big arrives, whether it looks like trouble or not, you can move easily and gracefully into gratitude.  It will be your “go to” place. Because all of our lessons are not easy.  Sometimes they are scary, hard, sad, confusing, even then stay in gratitude, It will bring you through with ease and grace.

I invite you to join me in 30 Days of Gratitude. Do it your way, whatever feels good to you. Write it down, whisper it to the sky, share with friends, have it be the voice of your heart.  There are no rules, you decide. Do one a day, three a day, whatever works. Say thank you.  You don’t have to believe in a certain God for this, you could say thank you to yourself. You could thank you to Universal Energy, you could say thank you to the Trees, you could say thank you to Father Time, Mother Nature.  It doesn’t matter, because this is for you, to make your life better, do it your way.  But do it. It is the path to Peace and Joy.

And for today, I am grateful to be sharing myself with you………

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Daily Life, Self

Finding My Voice (again)

I have been trying to find my voice lately, even when it goes against what someone else wants or expects. Even when what is best for me does not fall into their plan.  Even when it makes me look difficult or uncaring.  As hard as it is sometimes, I am working on saying no or speaking up when I need to.  Here are a couple of things that recently happened:

I am at my church and one of the people are having surgery soon.  So one lady decides that she will set a meal delivery rotation for the patient. Lets remember I am coming off 5 hard weeks of traveling back and forth to San Francisco to visit my sister in UCSF and Kindred Care, all the while still working full time (as much as possible) and taking care of my own personal business. So I don’t have much energy for delivering food to someone no matter how nice they are. But I am caught, I am standing there and they hand the darn clipboard to me, and I don’t say no, I sign my name.

A few days go by and the organizer call me to set up my time in the rotation. At that point I am ready to state my truth.  I told her that as soon as I signed the paper I wondered why I would do that when my plate is so very full. I said I cannot be in this rotation but would absolutely do it this Friday, and then no more. So, a little late, but I did say my truth.  Whether it slows down the handing of the clipboard making assumptions on her part, I have no idea and do not care. My part of the equation is to stand in my own truth, and whatever happens, happens.

Next scenario, going with my sister and brother in law to her DR.appt. in SF.  First I work for a few hours, then meet them at 10:30 to head to the city. I had some breakfast before we left.  I knew my sister was overestimating her strength and that this would be a hard trip for her. She had this plan that we were going to this special restaurant on the way home. So we take off and the trip down is ok.  It’s a little over 2 hours and she held up pretty well.  Then we go the Dr. office.  By now she is becoming uncomfortable and unhappy.  This hurts, that hurts, why do we have to wait so long (15 minutes), etc.  Dr. see her and gives her a good report, she is released and does not have to go back.  All of her recovery and physical therapy can be done in our town (hurray!) Now she wants to go to the hospital and visit the nurses in ICU.  Ok, we go over there, everyone is so happy to see how well she is doing.  It was all good, She perked right up, walked for them, moved her arm. Everyone was happy, I was hungry.

Now its after 4.  I have had no food since that morning.  I get hungry.  She wants to see the cafeteria in the hospital and maybe we will eat there.  Well no,  its between lunch and dinner and the selections are very minimal.  Ok, lets head back home and we will stop at her special restaurant on the way.  Well its on the other side of the freeway and we don’t know how to get back to it.  We end up in some residential area in San Rafael totally lost. Forget that, back on the freeway heading home. We hit commuter traffic all along the way.  Now its about 6 and we are an hour and half from home. Plus I have to pick up my truck and get to my house so add another half an hour, with no food in sight. Now my sister is so uncomfortable, in pain, exhausted, just not doing very well. She no longer wants food, her husband is driving eating day old donut holes because he is starving.  He would never stop though, he will just suffer.

Ok, my sister, I know you are uncomfortable, I know you hurt, I know the last thing you want is to stop for any reason.  But guess what, I need food.  I am important also.  My body is important also. My voice is important also. Its time to feed me.  I look at the clock and I know If I don’t say something I will not get anything in my stomach before 8 pm. So I say “stop at this next town, hit a drive thru, I need to put something in my stomach”.  In the big picture it only added 20 minutes to our trip. Everyone got home fine. I and my b-in law got to eat.  But you know what I struggled to put myself ahead of my wounded sister.

Do I feel good about these decisions? Yes and no.  Mostly yes, but there was no joy in placing myself ahead of either of those women.  They needed help, I have been there for them, mostly my sister. But I took the food to L and visited with her, brightening her evening. I will go visit my sister today and provide whatever help I can.

Its easy to give away our yeses.  We get to be the hero, we get to be the good one, everyone thinks we are awesome, we get praise. And that has been raining down on me a little bit lately, I don’t hate that.  But I need to have boundaries around it.  And that is up to me.  Because everyone will let you put yourself in the background and make them the most important thing around if you let them. And that is my key, what am I allowing?  And is it good for my soul? Does it feel good in my body?  If not, I need an adjustment.  Because when i get to a place where I am doing acts and resenting them or not having an open heart around it, that bad for me and also for the recipient.

So I am working on reclaiming my voice.  My sister’s crisis is over and now her future and recovery are in her hands. I can support that, but it is not mine.  What mine is my own reality, the life I have created.  I am stepping back into it wiser, stronger, smarter, and with my voice.  I will not take on what is not good for me.  I will not sacrifice my health and happiness without having an open heart around that. I will speak up, I will say no, I will voice my opinions, I will take care of myself.  I will know every single day that my life is of equal value and I will celebrate that.  Having love and compassion for myself and others I am ready to get back to my world.

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