My dear friends’ mother is close to leaving this life. They have moved her to hospice where she will spend her last days. He is 500 miles away and I can be of little help. I can send loving thoughts and words, I can give him space to move though this time that is filled with fear and also amazing gifts. But I cannot do it for him, this is his path.
Still, it is weighing on my mind. It brings up the stuff around my mom passing all over again. Wounds I thought were dormant open up. Memories I have placed aside reappear. Tears that have been shed, are shed again. Do we, must we, keep feeling the pain over and over? How do you heal? Maybe you don’t .
I guess I have thought of healing as one and done. . Like when you heal from a cold or illness you are well and you are done with that process. But cuts leave scars, some illnesses leave weakness. Here is a timely and perfect example. 7 years ago we had big fires in our area of CA. The smoke was bad and for me, toxic. It made me sick. Then the airs cleared and time passed. I recovered and was fine. But ever since then when there are fires and the air is smoky I am easily affected by it. It bothers me way more than it ever did before the toxic smoke. I have a weakness now, left from the first fire.
And I guess I have a weakness for people dying. I have experience with it. I know how it feels. And right now the mom experience is knocking back at my door. But here is what I know, I am stronger now. The gaping wound left when she passed is smaller. And opening of it is gentler. There is a lighter touch to the wound. I can feel the pain and still breathe. And for that healing, I am grateful.
Its been over 3 years now and the memories of my mom have faded from the harshness of her last couple of years. Now I look at the mom that was happy, who was loving and had a future in front of her. But still, I have the lessons of how life can change and bring unhappiness and bitterness if you allow it, or invite it. And mom did that, I need to be honest about that, so I do not fall into the traps that she did. If her life is to show me some me lessons, well, I need to see them.
Back to my friend. I am so sorry your mama is leaving you. I am so sorry for your pain right now and your loss. I am sorry you have to see your father and your family lost and sad. I am sorry that this moment is upon you. But I am not sorry you have had a mother you grieve to lose. I am not sorry you get to learn compassion. I am not sorry you will have growth. I am not sorry you will learn more about your amazing strength. I am not sorry you will experience the love and compassion of friends and family. I am not sorry you are living life and seeing complete cycle. I am not sorry, my dear, that life has graced you with this most important lesson of loving and letting go. May Peace and Love cover your every breath.